Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Ryan Wallace's avatar

That's a very tough read. I actually find my hands very slightly shaking. I've not thought of life framed from that perspective because it's not in my nature to allow myself what some would see as weakness. I wrestle those feelings into some form of submission while I am forced to be immersed in them. When I think I've found one of those sought after rooms is when they break free and I must stare them down if I am ever to have a hope of living with them more comfortably, or banishing them entirely. The latter is likely a fools hope for me.

So I do what I am most comfortable with. I wrestle them into submission when I must, and ignore them when I can no longer keep them pinned. At all times however, they are sitting in my pocket, or on my shoulders, never far from influence.

Leaving the abstract behind momentarily, what this means for me is that somehow, in a manner unclear to me I developed the ability to be aware of those feelings but to also partition them somehow ( best way I can explain it ) to a place where a small part of me can actively fight them while the rest of me wears a mannerism that screams "Im not approachable".

It's an uneasy thing, especially when I give it any attention. The smallest acknowledgement seems to bring those aspects of me closer to the front. I do not know if I am getting the message how you meant to give it, or if I am way off base, but I also think maybe that's not so important. I'd like to think it's more about getting the message to begin with.

Be well.

Expand full comment
3 more comments...

No posts